Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
