i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize