Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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