They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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