Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
