I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
