Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
