I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
