Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
