One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
