Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
