you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
