Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
