I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize