I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she told me i tasted like america
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
