We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
not ubering you a puppy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
