Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
