someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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