OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
