Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
