Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize