i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
