She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
