yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
