whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
