i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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