I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
