Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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