Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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