i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's never too late to be topless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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