You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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