Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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