uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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