I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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