I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
