so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
