i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
did i just pee glitter
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
