Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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