is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
