In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
