It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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