I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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