did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
