Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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