All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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