Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
