You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
