yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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