the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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