My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
