The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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