you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize