It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
