can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
