You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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