this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
