Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize