South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
