its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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