dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
