so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Mom said you looked used
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
