Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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