i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
