My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
