I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
