So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
