Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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