I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
