i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize