I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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