So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
