jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
