Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
