i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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