Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize