I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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