GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
