Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize