I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
