"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
