At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
