thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
