you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
