How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Soap is not a condiment
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
