U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
