I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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