He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would fuck him just for his dog
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
