Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
