dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
