Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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