I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
