we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
