I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
