Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
