Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
